Bad Google Maps Directions – How Google Map Directions Almost Got Me Killed!

June 22nd, 2010 → 2:23 pm @ Clay (The BDD Dude)

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The Shocking But True Story of My Near Death Experience at the Hands of Google. Do No Evil? Yeah Right!

I love Google maps. It’s one of the most useful and clever pieces of technology ever invented. It’s also, for the most part, very reliable in its choice of routes to your chosen destination. This is what makes the following story so disturbing, and even more so than say, one involving MapQuest or another less reliable map service.

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about surfing and she half jokingly said “there’s a good south swell hitting Hawaii, we should go.”

Now surfing is no joke – it’s serious. Yes, we should definitely go I thought. It would be fun.

So I pulled up the Google Maps directions for Santa Cruz California and put in  Honolulu, Hawaii as my destination. Then I clicked enter and waited for the results, and what results they were. I must say that Google’s suggested route was absolutely horrifying!

weird google map directions - funniest google maps directions ever

Now, it’s a tough call on what is more shocking – Google thinking that I need to drive to Seattle to launch my kayak or that I could kayak across the Pacific at all. I also question the 14 day travel time. That sounds a bit fast to me as that translates to an average speed of 8 mph in the open ocean, for a half of month, without breaks. If they’re going to suggest kayaking to Hawaii then you’d think they would have included at least eight hours per sleep a night into the total travel time. What an oversight! Shame on them.

Now besides being overly optimistic in your kayaking speed, Google also assumes a straight line, which is clearly not realistic. What about winds and currents? How could the best software engineers in the world not factor in for this?

Now I don’t own a kayak, but what if I did? Following these directions would most likely end in my death! Sure, perhaps I’d make it out of the Puget Sound but it wouldn’t be long before fatigue, hunger and dehydration took its toll. My weakened body would be no match for the seagulls that would surely begin to pick at my body, tearing off bits of my thin, dry, sunburned skin. I’d try to swat them away but there would be too many as they crescendoed into a feeding frenzy. Waving my arms wildly I’d lose my balance and capsize the kayak. My limp body, floating in the open ocean, now easy pickings for the sharks and scavengers.

But like I said, I don’t own a kayak so I was fortunate to narrowly escape a most certain death. Every day I thank God for steering me away from such a fateful purchase. But what if?

Yes, what if?

File Under: Bad Google Maps Direction – Funny Google Maps Story – Worst Google Maps Directions Ever – Funniest Google Maps Example – Funny Google Map Directions – Funny Google Maps Directions